Managing tantrums

My children Jake and Lily are well past the tantrum stage in their young lives. Hopefully I'll get there soon! All kidding aside, I remember the moment I transitioned from frantic Mom to calm Mom in terms of knowing I could successfully handle the emotional storms of my passionate children.

Lily was two and a half. We were at our weekly music class. I had just finished telling Margo, mother of a newly turned two year old, that Lily had finally stopped having tantrums (and had moved onto what I called "willful displays of power"). The teacher, Jill, asked the children to pretend to be babes in Toyland, when Lily threw herself down on the ground and refused to take another step until I played Ring-Around-The-Rosy with her. 

I thought we should stick with the program and not insert our own agenda. This was one of those moments when a mother isn’t sure whether to honor the creativity and whimsy of her child or insist on getting back in line. I didn’t want the other mothers to think Lily was spoiled or that she always gets her way. 

I tried to pick her up and join the circle again but she arched her back and burst into tears screaming. I wanted to cry, too. What do I do now? How embarrassing. I wanted to scream, Shut up! But suddenly I heard my inner voice whispering instructions as though a 9-1-1 operator was talking me through a medical emergency. Stay calm. Relax your mouth and forehead. Talk to Lily softly. Pick her up now and rock her to soothe her. Walk away from the group slowly. You are a wonderful mother. Cup the crown of Lily's head. Give her words to explain her feelings: I know you are frustrated, Lily.

By the time I made my way through the list, Lily had melted into my hug. She pointed at Jill who was passing out bells for the next song. We walked back into the circle. 

A few of the mothers gave me looks that seemed to say, Poor Andrea. But I did not need pity. I was not powerless. I congratulated myself for managing with grace one of the many emotional phases Lily will experience. My strong maternal voice and good instincts lead me through. 

Lily and I rang our bells and laughed.

This ONE resolution covers them all

Rather than resolve to accomplish a long list of improvements in the next 365 days, I commit myself to just one new perspective: I will live deeply in the little moments of my life.

Instead of thinking until I'm blue in the brain, I will BE.

When the moment feels good, I will observe and appreciate. When the moment is difficult, I will ask myself what I need to learn from the challenge.  ‘This too shall pass,’ will help me move through the trying times. I know that I only have this small passage to navigate. There will always be another moment and another day but I will take them one at a time. If I make a mistake, I can always start over.

I will bring the gifts of every moment into the next little moment.

Blessing for the Mothers

Anticipate the joy of life as a mother. Flourish with the gifts your children bring. Nurture yourself, too, as you care for your loved ones. Show your children the way of wonder. Voice your thoughts in kindness and clarity. Stand tall for your children, family, and community. Listen deeply with compassion. Envision a good life and a welcoming world. Embrace your children with open, loving arms. Awaken to this day with a grateful heart. May you find the gift of peace in every little moment of motherhood. Many blessings, Andrea

Shedding all that I am not

I cultivate the special quality of being content with very few possessions. Millions of people around the world wear clothes discarded by others, dwell in makeshift homes, eat less than their hungry bellies yearn for. Though I need not worry about scrounging for my next meal or that I will shiver tonight, I adopt a non-clinging attitude towards the material world. Excess surrounds me in this gift-giving season, yet I find myself easily shedding all that I am not. I am not a party girl. I am not a parent who showers my children with toys. I am not a fashion queen. I am not a stressed-out, last minute-obligated-to-get-you-a-gift shopper. What I am is a person who enjoys giving from the heart, giving time and experiences, giving gifts that are evergreen because they are chosen by me with thought and care. Conversely, I strive to receive with attention and model for my children the way to open gifts mindfully, honoring the gift-giver at the same time as the recipient.

Give me a happy day.

I've watched my two children and their circle of friends grow through the ages—a rainbow of faces and personalities spanning our family life. They all seem to want (and need) the same direction from us, their grown-up guides. * Give me a happy day. * Answer what I ask. * Be calm. * Help me stand. * Show the good. * Listen to my song. * Belong to me. * Dream with me. * Hug me close. * Bring me magic. * Show me the way home.